LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
