I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
