Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
