I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
