Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
