Where is the hickey?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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