I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
