Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
