he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
