I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
