I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My balls are so social today.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
