one might say we're banned from that church
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
