Plan B is the new Plan A
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You're a waste of cheezeits
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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