Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
How's work?
Spinning.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
