I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
