make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
