Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
