my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I could fuck to npr.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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