I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
