my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
