batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
