he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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