Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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