yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
