there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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