I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
