I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
That accounts for only three of the penises
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
