i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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