he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
she told me i tasted like america
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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