He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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