i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
