R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
