I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
