1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i love accidental penises.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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