I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
