I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
