i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
