just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
