saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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