you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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