just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My liver just had a heart attack.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Please don't give away my fajitas
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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