And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
