dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
