she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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