Having a random hookup so left but love u
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
