I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
