I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
