you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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