im about as happy as oj after his trial
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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