I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
