she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
