So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
