Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
