Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
