Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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