You smell like stripper and shame
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
