He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
