I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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