You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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