ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
