He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
